The Signs of Business

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Twitter can be a clever addition to your suite of marketing tools. Short, concise statements, helpful conversations, shared inspirations and links to more info are some of the best ways that twitter can be used for business. However, if you are my competitor, here is how you should use twitter:

1. Autorespond to everyone who follows you. People love this.
2. After that first autoresponse, don’t try starting conversations. Seriously, how much of a conversation can you have in 140 characters?
3. Mention by name that annoying customer who keeps changing their mind. You are providing a community service so we know who to watch out for.
4. Curse. We’re all adults. And it makes your tweets even more hilarious.
5. Log in just once a day and post at least 15 messages in a row. We are anxiously waiting for what else you have to say.
6. Talk about how awesome your products are. Nothing else, just your products. After all, people are following you and they want to know everything there is to know about your products.
7. When talking about your products, hashtag everything. A good ratio is 75% of your tweet should be hashtagged words.
8. People who ask questions on twitter are soooo annoying, feel free to ignore them.
9. Retweet your own tweets.
10. To save time, have your facebook profile automatically post to your twitter account. Facebook will include a link to the post so you aren’t restricted by the 140 characters.
11. On Fridays, send #FollowFriday tweets containing all of your followers. In each tweet, include yourself. You may need several tweets to accomplish this task.
12. To get even more visibility, use popular hashtags like #justinbieber or #fail even if your tweet has nothing to do with it.
13. During elections, tweet about your favorite candidate and make fun of everyone else.
14. Humor and religion go hand in hand on twitter. Tweet one thing you think is funny about different religions each day.

I hope this helps. Please feel free to suggest other ways your competitors would benefit from twitter.

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